Those of you who have been long-time readers may remember that around this time last year, I became a fan of Ace Young, one of the American Idol finalists from Season Five. I even wrote of an elaborate Ace Young-Murray Pasternak conspiracy theory. Let’s refresh quickly, shall we?

Will we find out that he’s really a twice-divorced 34-year-old MBA who lost his job and took up karaoke singing back in 2005? Or will we find out that he’s just some good-looking schmuck who was skillfully crafted into a hunky corporate superstar?

Unfortunately, Ace Young was voted off American Idol before this conspiracy was blown wide open. But that doesn’t make it any less true. And if you were reading this blog as far back as last March, you have no doubt been waiting on the edge of your seat for my Season Six American Idol conspiracy theory. This year, I found my new “Ace” early on — his name is Blake Lewis — but my conspiracy theory has taken some time to develop. However, during last night’s show, it all became clear to me.

Seattle beat-boxer Blake Lewis is the love child of Kurt Cobain and Tammy Widderholt. (Tammy was the seductive older sister of Cobain’s junior high school classmate and best friend Timmy Widderholt.) Blake was pre-selected to win this year’s American Idol by the show’s producers, under pressure from some top music industry executives, who speculate that he will be an icon for the Millennial generation, just as Cobain was (and still is) for Generation X.

Sadly, Blake has no idea of his famous parentage (so shhhhh, don’t breathe a word of this to him — he also has no idea that he’s destined to win Idol). The Idol judges, it seems, are also in the dark, as they harshly criticized Blake’s innovative interpretation of the Supremes’ 1966 hit “Keep Me Hangin’ On” last night.

“These are classics — they don’t need changing,” said Randy.

“With Motown, you don’t need to change anything,” said Paula.

“I didn’t get that. I didn’t get it at all,” said Simon.

Evidently they would have liked the song better if he had sung it in falsetto while wearing a gold lame’ dress.

Last week, these same three judges responded to Blake’s rendition of the 311 song “All Mixed Up” by admitting they had no idea what they had just heard (yet they kind of liked it), solidifying themselves as a team of fuddy-duddy know-nothings in the eyes of the under-30 crowd.

But this is all part of the producers’ plan. The judges’ opinions really matter very little. It’s the American public who decides this contest. And the American public loves this MySpace generation, beat-boxing sweetheart known as Blake Lewis.

This was all it took to sell me on Blake:

According to his official American Idol bio, Blake was born July 21, 1981 and hails from Bothell Washington, a suburb of Seattle. He graduated in 1999 from Inglemoor High School in Kenmore. His adoptive parents have convinced him that his musical talent comes from his mother. “My mom is an ex-rocker who still sings and plays guitar,” Blake said in an interview.

His contestant number at the American Idol auditions in Seattle was 77804. And here’s the spooky part: If you add Kurt Cobain’s birthdate (22067 – Feb. 20, 1967) and Blake’s birthdate (72181 – July 21, 1981) and subtract the number 16444 (a zip code in Erie, PA), you get 77804. So there’s pretty much no disputing my theory.

But just in case you’re not convinced, let’s check out the resemblance. Here is Kurt Cobain:


Take a way the drug addiction, the long hair, and the angst, and here’s Blake Lewis:


Any questions?

And now, my Idol predictions for the weeks ahead:

- Blake will perform a beat-box cover of the Nirvana song “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” which will baffle the judges but thrill the American public (who are the real deciders here). This will seal his fate as the next American Idol.

- Chris Sligh will crash and burn, but will land an endorsement deal with Outback Steak House.

- Melinda Doolittle will be accused of faking her age (it will be revealed that she is actually 32) and will be kicked off the show.

- To fill the spot vacated by Melinda, Sundance Head (that’s his real name, by the way — his father, Roy Head, is semi-famous for singing the 1965 hit “Treat Her Right”) will return to the competition. With a vengeance.

Lastly, on a serious note, I honestly do think there is some real talent among the finalists on American Idol, including Blake Lewis. Here’s why: